...a 46 y/o registered nurse, working in a psych hospital...thus the poo references. I clean it up a lot...especially in the last couple of years. I not only care for those who happen into our nutty, cracked up work world...but have been caring for my dear Mother at home. Cancer SUCKS!! Watching your best friend weaken and suffer, lose all independence. Depending on her husband, daughters, granddaughters, sisters and nieces to do what she had done for them all, at one time or another. My Mom, the strongest, most fiercely independent woman. Loving, funny, creative...able to put both legs behind her head and walk on her "butt bones" as we kids called them. Never too busy to get down on the floor and play with us. Poker, Euchre, Lincoln Logs, Play Do. Watching her fight, right to the end...holding her hand, caressing her face as she made that great Transition. Knowing she was free, but selfish enough to want her back. How could we do it without her ?
Now, 2 months later, I go to work and do my job. I come home and do what must be done. I cry all the time...in the car, in the shower, in the back hall at work. I can't hide it. My face shows the signs for hours...puffy eyes, melancholy mood, head bent slightly down, attempting to concentrate on what must be done...grateful for the hugs, the prayers, the food and, yes, the money my family, friends, neighbors, co-worker's have offered...given.
I have only one child, a daughter, K. She has managed to receive her undergrad degree while working 3 jobs, auditioning and rehearsing and performing. She teaches music, children's bible study. She works part time at a bookstore just because she loves it. Has accepted a position at her church, is researching grad schools, still auditioning, rehearsing and performing. She has a dream. Is so very beautiful. So very intelligent. Can sing the most wonderful aria or the raunchiest Broadway musical. Is a natural redhead with thick, auburn curls. She will be on a stage in Chicago, New York, London and I will be there for her every step of the way...just as my Mother was there for me.
