Getting started

I am blogging at my daughter's suggestion. One day, K says "Hey, Mom, you should start a blog site.  She even had the title for me.  So, finally, I am here. Talking to no one and yet everyone...
I journal the old fashioned way. Using a journal purchased at my favorite bookstore in the town where I live. Writing whenever I feel overwhelmed by any emotion...which is frequently.  

Thus, for this 1st attempt I am going to cheat a little, referring back to my last few entries in my good ole ART BLANC journal. So, here I go...




Midnight
Friday 13 August 2010

Going to NOLA in 3 1/2 hours. Here alone in the night. D asleep, K with friends, two dogs entangled in my legs, sleeping. Laundry done, dishes clean, rest of the house unkempt. It's hot as hell outside... going to be warmer yet this weekend and I'm going further south.   ? To see how much heat and sun one porcelain skinned, 46 year old woman can handle? Ha! I'll be the one melting in the Big Easy...if not from the weather...then from the frequent flashes my body delights in having these days.

Just watched Trueblood and did some online housekeeping. Caught some photos by my niece,  M and my adopted son, N.    M's are of my recently born great-nephew and headstones belonging to my family in the small village of my youth...she is becoming quite a photographer.  Now, N's are as professional as they come...they all are beautiful, funny, pleasant to my fragile mind, soul. Looking forward to some good food, walking up and down Royal Street during Dirty Linen Night. Artists will have their shops open late. Musicians on the street. Wine, beer and liquor flowing just as my skirt will in the breeze. Hoping the beauty of that spicy, flashy city can re-energize my soul...to just let go for a few, precious hours... drinking, eating, dancing...

Gonna try to get myself back together. Have got to get my clavinova back and learn some melodies. Beatles's music in the background as Imagine is on the TV and I am singing to the universe... "Love, love love...love, love, love...love ,love, love..." Beatles in my head...I laugh out loud to no one and say, "just as long as there's no beetles in the cornmeal"

1430

Saturday 14 August

Spent the last 3 1/2 hours playing blackjack....and I cashed out with 1 1/2 times what I started with. I never play slots, but I do pretty good with cards. I always put back what I start with once I'm up...then play and have fun with the extra. That way I never lose big.   {also, drinking pink lemonade's a wise choice vs liquor}

"Cotton candy clouds, thoughts are way too loud , reach up and take a bite, run fast... fly a kite!"

1050

Monday 16 August 2010

Like woman of the harvest, we, the Daughters, Mothers, Sisters gather seeds of sorrow and suffering along this journey...some wear it like a veil, hiding their true selves. Others place it deep inside, painting their faces with smiles and spilling giddy laughter...keeping the pain at bay until the wee dark hours when no one can see their tears...Then... there's me...blubbering everywhere, with anyone. Will it end? Do I want it to end? My dear, loving and honest Mother would say, "Crissy, your bladder lies between your eyes" Wise soul, my Mom...I miss you sooo badly...

1120

Monday 16 August 2010

God, I petition You today asking for your help. Please, help me to let go. I don't expect to never cry again, but please don't let me fall into the abyss...don't let me shatter into a gazillion pieces...let me give some of this burden up into the universe...it's so vast, surely a black hole can vacuum out my heart, my soul...take away a bit of this pain...I give it to You...my father, brother, the lover of my soul, my creator...the great I AM!!!

1143

Monday 16 2010

Ate left over chinese...chose a fortune cookie...this is what the Supreme One sent for me...in a fragile little vanilla cookie...

"You will receive unexpected support over the next week. Accept it graciously."

Thank You... Allah, Jehovah, Shiva, Brahma, Vishnu...I am in the presence of the divine.